passive vs. active

I have a love/hate relationship with reading books. Similar to TV, movies, looking at Facebook, playing games, even listening to music, it is a passive activity that takes time away from actually creating art (composing, practicing, etc.). It's easy to sit and relax and before you know it, years can go by without creating anything new. On the other hand, sometimes you need to recharge and get your mind thinking about other things and be inspired. It's hard for me to balance those activities with limited free time while working a day job and remembering to pay attention to my family sometimes. I got hooked on reading novels again a couple years ago. It's been enjoyable, but it's also taking a lot of time away from making music. My playing has suffered in some ways, but in other ways, my playing has changed for the better as time away from the piano now has me listening with fresh ears and improving things. On the other hand, if people didn't spend time being passive, no one would have time to appreciate the creativity of other artists.

artistic self-doubt

Are all artists as neurotic as me? Almost every time I finish a new composition, I go from not liking it to deciding it's pretty good (though there are a few tunes I write that never really grow on me). Then I get paranoid that I'll never be able to compose another tune and the fear is paralyzing until I eventually force myself to attempt to write another tune, which involves being unsure of myself during the entire writing process. And then the cycle repeats itself all over again.